tenacity

Infected at a young age, the unyielding fever came on slowly. Far from bed ridden, I was unable to remain still or sleep, I found myself preoccupied with hallucinations of traveling, social justice and saving humanity. This fire lurking beneath my bones, I later discovered, was not shared by everyone and often misunderstood. This disease became apparent in high school, I was an apathetic, punk rock sophomore failing the public alternative system of Tucson, Arizona.

Under that balmy, monsoon evening of November 1986, the Iran-Contra Affair spread through suburban living rooms across the nation- the US had been supporting the Contras through Iranian arms sales, a hostage release, Oliver North, Ronald Regan lied to the people and national human rights watch along with catholic organizations were accusing the US backed Contras of human rights abuses. El Salvador, Honduras and Nicaragua were making headlines.

How one transforms into a Sandinistan, FSLN, supporter escapes me- discussions on the high school campus, rallies, protests, media? It's all unclear; but I awoke from my fever tearfully enraged, my country supported brutality and bloody violence against innocent civilians (where has my tenacity fled?). Feverishly engaged, I unearthed my first sense of direction, a paper entitled, A Reconstruction of the Iran-Contra affair. Much to my mother's chagrin, my mission discovered: a high school in EL Salvador had recently been pillaged, students had been injured, several teachers were abducted and those remaining were in need of educational resources, funding and supplies. Rallying for local support, I ended up with more than imagined. The student's supplies came pouring in, a van donated, my crazy leftest teacher agreed to drive us and in May we were to begin the road trip south, 1984 thousand miles to El Salvador.

Ignorant, naive, impressionable, wide-eyed, intentional, humanist...
How would I describe that girl today, should I meet her at my door, pleading for funding or support?

She never made it to El Salvador that month of May 1987, instead she learned she was with child. At 16, she altered her trajectory inward and decided to save herself, her daughter.

Political affairs have altered, but the pillage has not. My daughter, now 20, is ardently claiming her own path. The insatiable yearning for travel never dies, there is no cure. Sometimes there is no purpose or destination, just a raw hunger eating at the soul.

Sweating, tunnel vision, shallow breaths... Two open jaw tickets to India purchased, with less than two Sundays, three nights from the full moon of May, feet will swoon under Indian soil.

slacking into spring

Randonnee bindings clasped tight in preparation for a weekend of spring turns
we 4 decided to take to the road, molest the mountain
tagged with discounted season passes, a dusting of fresh snow and the naked sun
we hit the resort playground of Mt. Bachelor
slush puddles confined the empty lift lines, there was fear of rubber cement runs and ruddy tree lines
only die hards prevail, we carried on to the summit
and oh holy rollers
rapture

Video

curiosity

I don't remember when I first loosened the lid atop the tempered Tupperware container, but I will never forget the murky bath of bobbing teeth.

Before the besiege of seat belt laws, I would lie on my back, legs dangling over the seat of the station wagon, eyes connecting the dots of torn ceiling fabric, while my mind engrossed with the rows of pearly whites in the plastic tub, wondering-
were they real
could they taste

did they stink
could I fit them into my mouth?

Escaping the wagon, I, a pigtailed girl of five, shared in the rituals of our family gatherings: smooches, ear tugs, bottom pats as the kids were shooed outside, allowing adults to catch up over cocktails.

Tossing ants into entangled spider's webs, turning mud into quicksand, bandaging wounded fort prisoners, I would often forget the curious pool of teeth awaiting upstairs. But by evening when I could stand it no longer, I would sneak into my grandmother's bathroom and stare at the white enameled soldiers standing in formation.
Curiosity prevailed and my right hand forced a finger through the frothy water, creating waves, drowning the militia men. I'd raise the curio from the crypt to my nose. The odor redolent of decrepit elderly tickled my gag reflex; but I could stand it. My cousins exaggerated dry heaves and puking sounds before collapsing to the floor. Teasing me, they would race outdoors staying until bedtime, uninterested in my scientific wonder.

That summer of 1976, I learned many things-

the teeth were false

they had no taste

the stank

and they did not fit into my mouth.